Worst Sports Franchises
This is not a list of worst front offices or cities or fan bases. It is a list using all 3 of those factors to come up with my unbiased opinion on what the worst sports franchises are from each of the big 4 sports (Sorry soccer).
Football — Dallas Cowboys
This was one of the easiest picks of them all. It has been 25 years since the Cowboys have appeared in a Super Bowl, but Jerry Jones and their fans will not let you hear the end of those 5 super bowls and that time they went 13–3 in 2016 on the backs of being in the worst division in the whole league. Let’s move on from their fans and go to their coach. Mike McCarthy is not only a man from Pennsylvania who has a thick Texas accent suddenly, but he is the worst coach in NFL history. How does a coach have a top 3 QB of all time for 12 years and not accidentally win 3 Super Bowls? The absolute worst thing about this franchise worth 5 billion dollars is that their old bag of an Owner/GM puts salt on his egg McMuffin. I am talking sprinkling salt on each bite like a damn serial killer.
Honorable Mention: New England Patriots — Just jealousy if I am being honest
Basketball — LA Lakers
We are going to start with the city of LA. It currently has 63 thousand homeless people and the people do not care or deserve as many sports teams in the city. The Lakers and soccer teams are the only ones that I can kind of tolerate. The Lakers are a storied franchise and I respect them, but I could do without all the hoopla with celebrities and Lebron being an asshat. Let us not forget their most memorable player/GM/fan, Magic Johnson has AIDS. Or maybe its HIV, I don’t entirely understand the difference. The Lakers were also stolen from Minnesota, much like Canadians stealing the land from the Eskimos. I have seen it 100 times.
Honorable Mention: North Carolina Tarheels — I am a Duke fan (once again, I am unbiased)
Hockey — Montreal Canadiens
Staying on the subject of Canadiens, we go across the border to the great white north for the worst hockey franchise. First off, they are in Quebec which desperately wants to be France (Huge Red Flag). In their illustrious 103-year history, they have 23 championships. Sounds great, right? Not so fast. They have won only 2 since 1979 and up until 1967 there was only 6 teams. Honestly, this could have been any Canadian team. Leave it to Canada to invent a sport and then let another country become bigger and better than them. Ope Sorrey Aboot That.
Honorable Mention: Chicago Blackhawks — Fans only care when they are good
Baseball — New York Yankees
This could have easily been the Astros but I don’t want recency bias to play a role in how much the Yankees suck. Who says money can’t buy championships? Billy Beane can talk his Money Ball tactic and shove it up his dumper. 27 championships proves that you can in fact buy championships. The cult that is the Yankees and their no facial hair except the classic pornstar mustache rule is ruthless. All Yankee fans are bandwagon fans because all New Yorkers are Mets fans. I do not have any facts or stats to back it up, but I am sticking to it. Derek Jeter is an overrated whore. That should get the “fans” riled up.
Honorable Mention: Houston Astros — They cheat and didn’t get punished at all.
MC
