How to St. Paddy’s Day Correctly?
The time has come where we as a nation come together and say “why not get wasted on Thursday night and wake up in my neighbors front yard after forgetting your garage code”. St Patrick’s day has a long tradition of putting green dye in whatever your drinking and not thinking about what it will do to your digestive system the following day.
For starters, it is “St. Paddy’s Day” and not “St. Patty’s Day”. Patty sounds like a lunch lady and I want no part of that meal. What meal I do want a part of is a solid lunch. For those that don’t take the day off. of work, lunch is where you can really set yourself up for a solid night of drinks. Not everyone can get their mits on an authentic Irish meal so my suggestion is load up on carbs or something to give yourself a good base for the 45 drinks you will have in mere hours.
Before going out, think about what you like to wear. More importantly what do you not want to lose. No need for a nice jacket, glasses, or accessories, there will be plenty of free Irish crap at the bars. It’s spring time so chances are you take your coat off at one of the stops and you never see that thing again. Put on a green t-shirt or hat and jeans and head out the door.
The next decision is going to be, how to get out of work before 5? Either take some time off or fake some sort of eye appointment and head to the nearest bar for their 3–5 happy hour. At this time you are probably full from the (insert fast food restaurant) food and you will want to start with something along the lines of an Irish Whiskey cocktail. Once you have a couple cocktails in you and it’s almost 5 or 6, the bar hoping begins.
The key with bar hoping is to find a green beer at each bar and stick with the hits, basically any light domestic beer on tap. Some people will say this is not a fun way to do it. I could argue that as well but once you start mixing in cream based shots and cocktails with creamy Guinness or whatever IPA your dumbass friend likes, there is going to be a party in your stomach and not all those drinks are going to be invited. Around 9:30 you will be getting hungry, pro tip here is order something shareable preferably nachos and build that base up for 3 more hours of drinking.
The night will take you to a couple more bars and a few more drinks. At this point you going to be very intoxicated and/or ready for sleep. Find a safe ride home and eat whatever is in your fridge and hit the Ole dusty trail.
P.S. fall asleep with the Disney channel original movie “Luck of the Irish” playing in the background
